


A Kidnapping as Your Birthday Gift

by Lia_Bolton



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Michelle Jones, BAMF Ned Leeds, BAMF Peter Parker, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Mentioned Tony Stark & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Mostly Ned Leeds-centric, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29335308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Bolton/pseuds/Lia_Bolton
Summary: Peter groans, “She changed her mind for the seventh time now, are we having that party or not?”“Well, we have nearly a week ‘till my birthday, so there’s time for her to change her mind seven more times.” Ned points out.MJ glares at him, causing Ned to sigh. “Okay, while there really is time for her to change her mind fo- okay MJ! For god’s sake, no, okay?” Ned gives up, his shoulders dropping. “She -and I’m quoting- wants her baby boy to celebrate his birthday only with his family, like the old days.”While annoyed, MJ and Peter can’t contain their snorts, resulting in Ned punching their shoulders lightly.“Maybe next time man.” says Peter, causing Ned to sigh once more.-Or, in which Ned gets a party and a kidnapping as his birthday gift.
Relationships: Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming) & Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic but ~~somehow~~ takes itself seriously and is written to poke fun at something (don't ask me what it is, I honestly don't know lol). So crack but not really funny? A mix of satire and crack? Something along these lines.  
> The timeline is a ~~lot~~ bit fuzzy, Civil War and Homecoming happened but Avengers made up. No Endgame or Infinity War, so no snap. Tony and Peter are a lot closer than they were in Homecoming. Also, MJ knows that Peter is Spider-Man.

Peter groans, “She changed her mind for the seventh time now, are we having that party or not?”

“Well, we have nearly a week ‘till my birthday, so there’s time for her to change her mind seven more times.” Ned points out.

MJ glares at him, causing Ned to sigh. “Okay, while there _really_ is time for her to change her mind fo- _okay_ MJ! For god’s sake, no, okay?” Ned gives up, his shoulders dropping. “She -and I’m quoting- wants her baby boy to celebrate his birthday only with his family, like the old days.”

While annoyed, MJ and Peter can’t contain their snorts, resulting in Ned punching their shoulders lightly.

“Maybe next time man.” says Peter, causing Ned to sigh once more.

“Yeah, maybe next time.” he says just before dropping his gaze to the floor.

Peter and MJ look at each other and share grins when they’re sure Ned isn’t looking.

Next time? Nope. Definitely _this_ time.

Ned’s birthday is five days away – the next Saturday. Peter and MJ want to throw a party and invite the whole Academic Decathlon team, to make the soon-to-be sixteen-year-old boy’s birthday special. They both know that Ned only has birthdays with his family (which actually means Ned’s family _and Peter_ ) and that results in Ned ~~despising~~ not being overly enthusiastic about his birthdays.

Lately, Peter and MJ are thinking of changing that – except for the fact that they have a tiny little obstacle in their way.

Ned’s mom doesn’t like people screwing with her family’s traditions.

And well, with all due respect, Peter and MJ don’t give a fuck.

* * *

“You sure about that?” Peter asks MJ for probably the hundredth time. “We don’t even have to do it, like, what’s the point?”

MJ looks up from her locker and takes a break from searching her chem book. “Peter, since when do you need a reason to do something stupid?”

“Point. But _still_. I don’t want him to be mad.”

MJ sighs and pats his shoulder awkwardly. “He won’t be mad for something like this, relax.” She soothes Peter, “And I haven’t done a good prank for _ages_ , okay? Lemme have fun.”

Peter finally gives in. “Fine,” he says, stretching the last letter, “but you’re corrupting poor innocent me with your ulterior motives.” He crosses his arms.

“Yeah, what can I say? I’m charismatic.” She answers with a grin and punches the air as she finally finds her chem book. 

Peter grins as he kisses her cheek. “Today is Friday, we have physics in the first period, not chem.” he says and leaves without giving MJ the chance to say anything.

He can hear kicking sounds (“Poor locker,” thinks Peter.) even from thirty feet away.

* * *

“Ned, we don’t give a fuck.” Peter snaps as he puts his fork onto the table rather sharply.

Ned turns stops talking, something he hasn’t done for the last fifteen minutes, and looks at him incredulously. “What did you say?”

“He said that we don’t give a fuck.” MJ pointed out helpfully.

Ned rolls his eyes. “Thank you so much for that clarification MJ.”

“You’re welcome, loser.” MJ says as she stuffs a cookie into her mouth.

Ned stares, gaze unbelieving. “Okaaay,” he says as he turns to Peter, scowling harder. “Peter, why did you say that? Like, you can just tell me if you’re bored – no need to be rude.”

Peter shrugs. “I said it because I don’t give a fuck?”

By that point, Ned is frowning so hard that his eyebrows are nearly touching each other. “Okay. That’s it. First, what the hell is wrong with you?” Peter opens his mouth to give a (probably snarky) answer, so Ned hastily continues. “Second, where did the excessive use of ‘fuck’ come from?”

“What the hell is wrong with us? Dude, what the hell is wrong with _you_? Where did your sense of humor go?” says MJ, with something suspiciously like a laughing sound coming after it, resulting in Peter glaring at her.

“What MJ said, and ‘fuck’ is a pretty nice word.” The boy pipes in when he stops glaring at MJ.

‘Okay,’ thinks Ned, ‘there is definitely something going on.’

“Will you just tell me what you're trying to do because I’m starting to get seriously pissed off.” Ned says calmly, too calmly.

Peter and MJ share worried glances for a moment, and then MJ lays back on her chair. “…why are you getting pissed off?” She drawls as she looks at her nails like they’re the most important things in the whole world.

Ned stands up abruptly, his chair making an ear-piercing sound as it gets dragged against the floor. “I don’t know what all this is about, but you guys are acting really weird. I mean, unnecessary aggressiveness _and_ use of ‘fuck’? You doing both at the same time mea- wait.” Ned blinks and turns his head to MJ.

“Are you on your period?” He asks, half-joking.

MJ nods as a small smile tugs the corners of her mouth, “Yeah, we are both on our periods, why?”

Ned shrugs, “Nothing, just curious. Anyways, I’m going to class and you two can come too when you… um, fix? Yeah, fix yourselves.” he declares as he takes his tray with a frown and leaves.

“Do you think he’s a bit angry?” Peter asks worriedly, once Ned is out of hearing range. “I mean, he even joked, but this is Ned, there still is a big chance that he’s mad.”

MJ shakes her head. “Nah, you said it. That’s Ned, he literally can’t get pissed at us.”

An awkward silence fills the air.

“How angry do you think he is?”

* * *

Little did they know about the grin that appeared on Ned’s face as soon as he turned his back.

Three can play this game.

* * *

Ned didn’t ask Peter and MJ to walk home together.

Neither did they.

_Ouch._

Ned knows it’s because of that prank of theirs which he still doesn’t understand what was all about. He first thought maybe because of his birthday – but it is tomorrow, not today. And frankly, he can’t think of any other reason except MJ wanting to have fun.

Which honestly _is_ probable.

He kicks a stone with the toe of his shoe as he turns the corner and goes into a deserted street – and urges himself to think harder.

But even that is the reason, why today? Yesterday they were all good, and his friends were acting like their normal selves. Wouldn’t she consider that Ned might get suspicious if everything were to happen suddenly? And even if MJ wouldn’t, Peter definitely would. They both know he’s far from stupid.

So, it might be because MJ is bored – but that definitely isn’t the only reason.

Ned is so buried in his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice a _black shiny limousine_ approaching him on a _deserted street_ until it’s five feet away from him.

As always, his fight or flight response seems to favor the third completely unnecessary member.

 _Freeze_.

He complies, which causes him to lose a few precious seconds and gives the creepy (who the hell goes out with a goddamned limousine if they are not creepy, not to mention child-murdering lunatic) person in the limousine enough time to get out of it.

Ned _somehow_ freezes even more at the sight of the six-and-a-half-foot man just three feet away from him.

Yup, there is definitely some child-murdering lunatic behind this.

Who sent his bodyguard to torture him and then steal his organs before killing him.

 _Wait_. Spider-Man. Peter.

_Shit._

He is getting kidnapped by some kind of supervillain who will torture him to get information about Peter and he’ll die afterwards and Peter will be in trouble and it’ll be his fault and-

‘Then run, you idiot!’ his common sense screams, interrupting his rambling.

Ned gladly obeys – and so do his legs, _finally_.

The only problem is that the man is taller than him, by more than a foot. Which, unfortunately, affects the lengths of their legs.

And that’s how Ned finds himself with a piece of cloth covering both of his mouth and nose in under five seconds. He grimaces at the awful smell, but his face slowly relaxes as he starts losing consciousness.

He can feel the man putting him in the car… gently? He can hear two more people talking, voices oddly familiar. He manages to take a look at them before his sight turns completely black.

_What._

Why the fucking hell do his kidnappers look like his best friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be updated every other day, but since it's probably gonna be a two shot, I can safely say Friday instead. 
> 
> Thank you for giving this a shot and hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not a two-shot. 
> 
> Not a Friday update either.
> 
> Also, this completely turned into Peter & MJ & Ned trash.
> 
> I regret nothing.

“-he awake yet?” says a distinct voice, and keeps talking as Ned tries to make meaning out of it. “It’s been twenty-eight minutes, the drug thing was supposed to knock him out for ten minutes, _not_ thirty. You didn’t kill him, did you?”

“I don’t know, okay? He’s breathing, so not dead. I- he should wake up soon.” an equally frantic voice answers. A light groan escapes from him as a response to his headache, but the pair is too busy arguing to hear him.

“What did you use?” asks the first voice (probably a female), followed by silence. “I mean what did you use to knock him out?” she clarifies.

“Oh,” the other person says in realization and answers with something too long for him to understand in his current mental state.

“It doesn’t even seem like you screwed up, like that _really_ is supposed to knock him out for ten minutes.” The female one answers thoughtfully.

Ned knows this voice.

_ And _ the other one.

Kidnapping? Seriously? _Kidnapping?_

He’s going to _kill_ them.

As soon as he can open his eyes, of course.

“ _Of course_ I didn’t screw up,” scoffs Peter. “…and MJ?”

“Hmm?”

“How exactly do you know this much about drugs?” he asks warily. “I mean, I know because Mr. Stark told me about it when he gave it-”

“Hol’ up,” Ned half talks half slurs as he tries to straighten up, startling MJ and Peter who rushes to help him. “ _Tony Stark_ gave you a drug to kidnap me? _What the fuck?_ ”

“Where does this excessive use of fuck come from?” a smirking MJ asks.

Peter takes a break from “examining” his body for a moment. “MJ he said it for literally one time.”

The girl rolls his eyes and mumbles something that suspiciously sounds like a “shut up”.

“Your eyes are going to fall out if you keep doing th-” a big eraser headed for his head interrupts him, but Peter catches it with ease.

MJ crosses her arms. “What are you, my mom?”

“Will you stop for a second?” asks Ned as he rubs the sides of his head, causing the duo to stop bickering. “First, answer my question. When did Tony Stark turn into a pedo kidnapper?”

Peter grimaces at the remark. “Dude, just… just don’t. That’s gross, like real gross – especially considering the time I spend with him.”

Ned just looks at him pointedly, and Peter leans back (not really) aggressively in response. “Yes but not really? He gave me the drug because he thought I might need it one day – and turns out he was right!”

MJ and Ned shot unimpressed glares in his way.

“Um, okay, maybe that isn’t how he thought I would use it? Anyway, doesn’t matt-”

Ned looks around as he talks, to see expensive-looking leather seats across him, and black-tilted windows to complete the look. “He gave you guys the limousine?” he interrupts. “Why would he give you a self-driving limousine if he isn’t trying to kidnap me? Why would he even try to kidnap me?”

Peter opens his mouth to answer but MJ beats him to it. “Okay, first, he is _not_ trying to kidnap you; we’ve already covered that. _We_ ’re the ones who are trying to kidnap you, give us some credit.”

“I think what MJ is trying to say is,” Peter says right after she’s finished. “Why would we use a shiny big black limousine to kidnap someone in the daylight?”

Ned blinks a few times.

“Also,” Peter continues, “he gave us the limousine –which is very much not self-driving by the way– because I told him that I wanted to surprise you for your birthday – which is the truth, technically.”

Ned doesn’t really listen to the parts after Peter tells him that the car, in fact, has a chauffeur. Instead, he takes a look at the driver seat, which is empty.

“Peter, what do you mean that the car isn’t self-driving? There’s no one in the driver’s seat.” Ned interrupts the boy’s rambling, causing MJ and Peter to snap their heads to the front.

Silence fills the air for a few moments before MJ breaks it. “Peter if you made him partially blind or caused brain damage or memory loss or anything else, I swear to god I-”

Ned stays silent, confused. What is MJ trying to say? Is there anything wrong with him – now he thinks about it, his head feels kind of… weird?

Peter frowns. “You agreed, and actually encouraged me to do this – so if anything’s happened it’s your fault.”

MJ gives Peter a look, and even when it isn’t directed at him, Ned can’t help but shudder.

“I… I take that back.” Peter finally manages to say and mutters something about having déjà vu. “And there’s nothing wrong with his sight, watch.” he says as he raises his hands. “How much is that?”

“Two,” Ned answers, still not really sure what’s going on.

Peter looks at him unbelievingly as MJ buries her head into her hands and groans. “Great, he’s blind.”

Ned scowls, there were two hands and he said two, didn’t he? “I’m not blind.”

“See, he’s not blind.” Peter agrees instantaneously.

MJ lifts her head up and arches one of her eyebrows. “Then can you _please_ explain why you answered two instead of ten, Ned?”

“Well, because there were two han- oh,” the realization dawns on him after he sees Peter biting his lips not to laugh and MJ burying her head into her hands again. “You meant fingers, didn’t you? Not hands.”

“No shit Sherlock,” mumbles MJ, and stops for a second (Ned is ninety-nine percent sure that it’s for the dramatics). “Well I was wrong,” she sighs. “it’s _not_ blindness; it’s brain damage.”

“Will somebody explain what’s going on instead of insulting me?” Ned asks as Peter suddenly smacks his forehead.

Ned watches as Peter searches for something since MJ doesn’t look like she’s going to bother telling him.

MJ pulls out a tiny bottle after a good twenty seconds. “You looking for this?” she asks casually – Peter’s head snaps up, and he snatches the bottle in the blink of an eye.

Peter holds the bottle tightly, like he’s afraid that MJ is going to take it again. He narrows his eyes. “So _that’s_ how you know about it.” He places a hand on his heart. “Where did your morals go, my beloved girlfriend?” he asks dramatically.

MJ shrugs. “There are still where I left them when we decided to kidnap our best friend.”

“Fair enough but-”

He doesn’t get to finish as Ned interrupts him. “I’m truly sorry to interrupt your bonding time, but can we get back to the topic please?”

MJ huffs out a breath as Peter scratches his neck embarrassedly. “Yeah, right.” he says and starts reading something from the back of the bottle. “Instructions, no. Warnings?” he mumbles. “Aaaand, here – side effects.” he says and keeps reading them.

“Headache, short term memory loss, trouble understanding, sleepiness, lightheadedness, hallucinating, loss of concentr-” he suddenly stops and checks something. “Hallucinating? Well, that explains it, I guess. See, MJ? It’s completely normal.” MJ crosses her arms and scoffs, but Ned can see the tension between her shoulder blades easing.

“Soooooo?” asks Ned.

MJ snorts. “Seems like ‘trouble understanding’ is showing its effects. Why did we use that on him, again?”

Peter very pointedly ignores her and turns his gaze to Ned. “Ned, look at the driver’s seat again, is it still empty?”

A “Well, yeah.” almost escapes from his lips before he looks.

After looking, a “Holy shit!” does the trick just fine.

There is a man sitting on the seat (one that looks suspiciously like the one who knocked him out), and Ned could’ve sworn that it was empty when he last looked.

“W- what? _How?”_ he asks, shocked.

“Dude, Peter has literally just said ‘hallucinating’, which part of it didn’t you get?” She looks at Peter. “We’re never ever drugging him again.”

Peter can only agree but he’s not about to show it. “MJ, please stop roasting him. And I also said trouble understanding and loss of concentration. What did you expect him to do, solve equations on par with the ones Bruce Banner solves?”

MJ scoffs, but doesn’t bother answering.

“And who’s that?” asks Ned while pointing at the giant bodyguard/chauffeur in a suit.

“Hmm?” asks Peter as he stops reading the warnings written on the bottle and looks up. “Oh, that’s Dylan, one of Mr. Stark’s bodyguards –God knows why he needs one– and my ex-chauffeur-new-partner-in-crime.

“Sup boys and girl!” says the man, using the wing mirror to look at them.

“Thank you for helping us,” beams Peter, and Ned can see a hint of a smile on MJ’s face as well.

Huh, so now they are thanking someone because he helped them to abduct their best friend on his way home.

Okay.

“Yeah,” Ned says dryly. “Thank you _so much_.”

The man gives him a genuine smile. “You’re welcome, young man!”

_ Okay. _

Too weirded out to keep the conversation going, he turns his attention to his friends. “Well, why are we here, exactly?”

“Because we kidnapped you.” answers MJ casually.

_ **Okay.** _

Maybe he _really_ is the most normal person in the car.

Which honestly says a lot.

“Yeah, for some reason I noticed too. Why, exactly?” he asks, instead of crying in frustration like he wants to.

Peter shrugs. “Why not?”

Ned’s one tiny step away from facepalming.

Thankfully MJ, who decides to act normal for a minute from the looks of it, elbows Peter (“MJ, what are you trying to do, kill me?”). “It’s for your birthday, loser.”

So, they kidnapped him because of his birthday which is _tomorrow_.

“MJ, my birthday is tomorrow, remember?” he says slowly, after another awkward silence – which _for some reason_ happen a lot today.

“Yup, but that’s the boring one; ours will be awesome.”

“Wait – so, two parties, one with the team?” asks Ned, bitterness about the weird situation forgotten.

“Of course,” Peter pipes in, “Did you really think that we would just drop it?”

Well, yeah, that’s what normal people do.

Which is why Peter’s right.

He will finally have a party with her friends. After all these years, _finally_.

Ned loves these idiots.

The boy’s happiness almost vanishes when he thinks about his mom, who didn’t let him throw a party in the first place. “But my mom didn’t let me throw a party with you guys, wouldn’t she be, I don’t know, mad?”

“Yeah, she would be,” answers MJ.

“If you were the one throwing the party.” continues Peter.

“But you aren’t.”

“You’re just the guest of honor.”

The duo high-five and Peter punches the air with his free hand. “We did it!”

“Seems legit but you guys are seriously creeping me out with all that ‘completing-each-other’s-sentences-thing’ right now. Like, who are you, the Weasley twins?” questions Ned, dead-serious, as he rubs a hand through his face.

“That’s another thing that would be gross.” MJ points out, face just as serious as Ned’s. “Since we’re dating and stuff.”

Ned wants to bang his head repeatedly on a wall.

The _only_ thing that stops him is that there’s no wall.

He settles on asking a question instead. “But… why fighting me and then kidnapping me? I’m honestly kinda traumatized now.”

Peter scratches his neck awkwardly. “Um, yeah, sorry about that – but hey, at least now you know what not to do in order not to get kidnapped, right?” he asks nervously, earning himself a blank look from Ned.

“Also,” he continues hastily. ”It’s your early birthday gift, a valuable experience.”

“So… basically a kidnapping as my birthday gift?”

“Exactly.”

Ned blinks. “…couldn’t you… I don’t know, just ask me instead?”

“Yeah,” MJ answers, and Ned knows that she’s smirking even without looking at her face. “We could’ve – but it’s not fun.

“Okay.”

_** Okay. ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for giving this a shot and hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

Ned doesn’t know what he expected when they said party, but that definitely isn’t it. He looks at the villa in front of him, easily three times bigger than his house. The music can be heard clearly from this distance, and it’s a song he loves. He looks at his friends’ grinning faces. He looks at the villa again.

His face breaks into a grin. “Dude, this is awesome!”

Peters lets out a little “yay” as MJ says “duh”.

‘Well,’ thinks Ned. ‘These reactions summed their personalities up pretty nicely, actually.’

They both hold his arms and practically drag him to the house.

Ned doesn’t complain.

* * *

Ned’s face hurts from smiling at this point, but he has no problem about it. They danced, ate until they couldn’t anymore, sang karaoke for nearly an hour, and even managed to get MJ sing for a couple of minutes.

He glances at the pile of gifts next to him – thirteen presents, the most he’s ever got on a birthday. There are two LEGO sets, one from Abe and the other from Cindy. Jason bought him three video games, just like Charles (except he bought two) and Sally (and she bought four) did. There were a lot more, from books to even a drone.

But the gift of the day was definitely the LEGO Death Star that MJ, Peter and Betty bought together. It was Betty who gave him the packet, along with a kiss on the cheek that left Ned dumb-founded, Peter laughing and MJ snickering.

He looks at Peter next to him, he has been on his phone for the past ten minutes, watching something. “What is that?” asks Ned, making Peter wince. He looks at his face, a hesitant expression on his.

“Some weird guy with a flying surfboard scaring the shit out of people.” he answers as he gives his phone to Ned for him to watch.

“What about Avengers? Can’t they deal with him?” he questions while watching.

“Well, yeah,” says Peter, scratching his neck. “But Mr. Stark left for Washington this afternoon, Natasha and Clint are doing some ex-SHIELD-now-whatever work, Steve also left with them. Nobody has seen Thor and Hulk since a few years ago anyways. I don’t know where Vision is, I can ask Wanda and Pietro though, but Saturdays are “family day”s and they don’t even look at their phones, sooo…” he trails off, face filled with guilt.

“Then,” says Ned, “you should go.” Honestly? He doesn’t want him to, because of the risk and... a more selfish reason – namely that today is his (not really) birthday, and they were having a great time. But he can see that Peter wants to help the people and get rid of the flying surfer, so who’s he to stop him?

“Really?” asks Peter, “I- I mean, I don’t wanna… just leave you and MJ,” he gestures to the bathroom that MJ is in, “alone on your birthday.”

Ned smiles. “But?” Peter stays silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say.

“Peter, it’s really okay. It would be nice if you could stay but this is way important.” Peter looks at him in surprise, face immensely grateful. “Go, or I’ll kick you out.” says Ned when he keeps staring at him. That seems to break Peter out of his trance, and he grins and gives him a thumbs up.

‘MJ is going to kill me,’ thinks Ned as he watches Peter leave.

* * *

Good news: MJ doesn’t try to kill him, just maim.

Bad news: Ned can’t stop worrying about Peter.

What if he is in danger right now and Ned is _partying_ with his classmates? What if he’s about to die and Ned is doing nothing? What if he-

 _Stop_.

He knows that, he knows he should let it go and have fun; Peter deals with this every day, he’ll be okay.

He just can’t.

Ned looks at MJ, in hopes of finding comfort in the only person who knows that Peter is Spider-Man, but MJ doesn’t look worried at all.

For a moment, Ned is inclined to think that she _really_ isn’t – but he knows MJ, he can easily see her right eyebrow twitching and the tenseness in her shoulder blades. He _will_ talk to her about it. MJ’s head turns in his direction like she can feel that he’s coming.

“Are you worried about Peter, too?” asks MJ when he reaches her side, and he can only nod.

“I really shouldn’t be worried – I mean, he does this almost every day without any problems. But I can’t help but worry, you know?” Ned answers as he plays with his fingers.

“Why are you worried about Penis?” a new voice pipes in.

Ned doesn’t even need to recognize his voice to know who’s talking.

“None of your business, loser.” says MJ, ever so casual.

Ned can see Flash is a bit annoyed, but he keeps persisting. “Where’s he anyway? Don’t tell me that he ditched you guys,” he points to Ned, “on your birthday.”

Ned thinks about correcting him for a second, today isn’t his birthday, but that’s hardly the most important thing now. “He didn’t ditch us,” Ned says instead, “he-” he looks at MJ, begging for help – he was never good at finding excuses, and he still isn’t now. But MJ is too busy killing Flash with her stare to notice his agony. “He went to buy more beverages.” he finishes lamely, after a second of silence.

MJ looks at him with one of her eyebrows arched; Flash waves his hand to the beverage table’s direction and snorts. “What’re these then?”

Ned looks at the table and sees more than ten unopened bottles.

_Great._

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asks defensively, changing the topic.

MJ tilts her head to the right. “Actually, yeah, what is he doing here?” She turns her glare to Flash. “We didn’t invite you, did we?”

Ned can see Flash’s cheeks flushing slightly. “Whatever,” he grumbles as he leaves.

“With that out of the way,” says MJ and rolls her eyes as she lowers her voice, “should we call Peter? I mean, do you ever talk during his… internship?” She asks, her face filled with disbelief as she says the last word – like she can’t believe she’s playing along with this.

Ned can definitely understand the awkwardness she feels. Even though she had probably guessed it months back, she has really known it for less than a month. But it’s probably not just that – if Peter’s in trouble, they have no way of helping him. Yes, maybe after everything’s over and if he makes it out alive.

But there’s always a chance he doesn’t.

He sighs and runs a hand through his face, rubbing his eyes. “Well, yes but I don’t wanna distract him – he might be taking care of a thie- I mean… equations. So, Peter’s the one to call, usually.”

MJ nods and frowns. “Then mayb-” A ringing voice interrupts MJ, and both check their phones to see whose phone is ringing.

“Not mine,” says MJ as she looks up to see Ned answering the call with slightly shaking hands.

MJ knows who’s calling even before Ned talks.

“Peter?” Ned asks, his voice filled with worry. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, um, just a bit…” Peter trails off.

Ned taps his foot anxiously, waiting for him to answer. “Just a bit what?” he snaps a few seconds later when Peter doesn’t answer, and he can literally hear Peter wincing. “Sorry,” he mumbles immediately. “Just… Peter, what’s it?”

He feels MJ tugging his sleeve, pointing at the garden, which is almost empty. He nods, and they start walking slowly, not wanting to draw attention.

Ned opens his mouth again to tell Peter to _please_ _talk_ ,

“Igotstabbedandshot.” says Peter before Ned has a chance to say anything.

Ned chokes on his spit.

“You what?” he half screams, followed by MJ’s nervous “He what?” at his reaction.

Ned can practically feel the weird glares people are sending their way.

Too much for not drawing attention.

“You what?” repeats in disbelief, this time whispering, before mouthing to MJ. “He says stabbed and shot.”

MJ trips over her foot.

Peter ignores his question. “I’m fine. The bullet just grazed, and the stab is not bad.” he says instead. Ned sighs in relief and can hear MJ doing the same – so no risk of death. That’s good.

At least, by Peter’s standards.

“I can’t reach Mr. Stark. And he’s not here anyway.” Peter continues. “The man… thing… that stabbed me had an electric thing.” he continues, his breathing getting faster. Ned knows where this is going.

He doesn’t like it.

Ned feels MJ leaning on his phone, the weight of her head forcing his to slant the other way. Good. He doesn’t have to repeat everything Peter tells him to her, which saves time.

“He- he used it on me.” Peter gasps, breaths getting shorter. Ned also has an idea about where this is going.

He still doesn’t like it.

MJ inhales sharply as Ned tries to find words to comfort Peter, to tell him to stop talking, think about something else – because Peter sounds suspiciously like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

Instead, he stays shock-still.

MJ looks at his (probably pale) face and squeezes his shoulder with a shaking hand as she takes the phone from his hand with the other.

“Peter, listen to me. He’s gone. You are safe.” she says with a tone that’s supposed to be comforting, but her voice cracks several times, and it makes _even_ Ned jittery.

That, and he wouldn’t exactly call having stab _and_ fucking gunshotwounds safe, even if they’re not fatal.

He leans his head to the phone, just like MJ did a few seconds ago.

He can hear Peter swallowing a sob. “He- and then he- _ohmygod_ ,” he gasps and continues without giving them a chance to “comfort” him. “I- I felt _it all over my body_. In my _bones_. But- for only a few seconds. I- I don’t even- it doesn’t hurt now. ‘S like nothing happened to me. It just hurt back then? Then- then it was gone. And Karen. She was gone too.”

His voice is somehow a bit more collected, ‘and just a few seconds ago he was nearly sobbing’ thinks Ned, wondering how many times Peter did, had to do that – bottling up his emotions, acting like he’s fine, just because people need him to be fine.

People, including him. He squeezes MJ’s hand, somehow knowing that she is thinking about the exact same thing.

Peter needs someone to _really_ talk to, tell how he feels without worrying about anything.

Maybe this is another experience, another lesson (definitely a more necessary one) Peter is giving him as his birthday gift, this time without meaning to.

_Don’t always expect Peter to be fine._

He takes a deep breath and takes the phone back from MJ. “Peter, Karen is not gone.” he says firmly, surprising both himself and MJ with his calmness. “Mr. Stark will fix her when he’s back, okay? But he can’t do it if you don’t bring the suit here. Can you do that?” he continues. Ned knows that if he makes it about Peter’s wellbeing, he probably won’t listen to him and keep worrying about Karen. So, he makes it about Karen instead.

“Ye-yeah,” Peter answers immediately, his voice faint. For a split second, a voice in his head wonders if it’s the blood loss or the pain – before Ned shuts it up.

“Peter, I’m not just asking, I’m _asking_. Can you do it, with your wounds?” he rephrases his question. This time, there’s a few seconds of silence from Peter’s end, the only sounds he can hear being MJ tapping her fingers and the music coming from the party.

“Yes,” says Peter finally, breaking the silence. He sounds surer about his decision now, which reassures Ned, even if by a little bit.

“Okay,” answers Ned, not sure what to say. Here goes his cool and charismatic demeanor – until the next big crisis, that is.

He feels the phone being taken from his hand, by none other than MJ. He doesn’t resist, just leans his head to the phone and listens.

“Peter, can you go to my house? Are you too far away?” She taps her fingers nervously. “Where are you?” She questions when Peter doesn’t answer.

“In a phone box, in – I’m not sure, probably Kew Gardens?” he answers. Ned sighs in relief, that’s not too far away from them. Fifteen minutes of walking, a few minutes of driving, and probably around five minutes of swinging.

Ned can see the tenseness in MJ’s face fading a bit. “Okay, you remember my address?” She suddenly stands up after Peter hums in confirmation, resulting in Ned doing the same as a reflex. “We’re on our way.” She looks like she wants to say something, but not sure about it. After a second of internal debate, determination shines in her eyes as she continues “And I- I… love you.” and ends the call right away.

Ned feels like gagging, and at any other time, he would have done so.

But _still_ , he’s sure that MJ killed Peter right there and then.

“Hurry up, loser.” MJ urges him as she tugs at his sleeve. She points to the limousine that brought them here. “We’ll be a lot faster if we use it.” she explains as she starts running. Ned increases his speed to catch her.

“Who’s gonna drive?” asks Ned when they reach the car, his breath still short.

MJ doesn’t bother answering until she sits on the driver’s seat, which actually answers his question, technically. “Unlike you, I have my license. Get in the car.”

Ned huffs but doesn’t argue. He opens the door and sits on the seat next to MJ’s – and just watches as she breaks every traffic rule he can think of in under a few minutes.

“By the way,” says MJ as she drives past a speed limit sign -which says that the maximum speed allowed is thirty miles per hour- with a speed of sixty. “if you talk about _that_ in any way, I’ll make you regret the day you were born.”

“I won’t.” reassures Ned.

He totally will.

“Look, I know this is for Peter, but he won’t arrive before us anyways.” Ned breaks the silence. “So, can we not go with a speed that doubles the limit?” he pleads, only for MJ to snort humorlessly.

“I don’t care.” she shrugs as she weaves in and out of traffic, eliciting several honks from other drivers. “Stark is gonna pay the fines, after all.”

Ned groans.

* * *

“Ow,” Peter cries out. “MJ, please please please don’t study medicine.” he says through gritted teeth.

“Shut it,” MJ answers pointedly, not paying attention to him, her full concentration on his arm – or more accurately, his wound. “If I haven’t known first aid, you would be dead from blood loss right now.”

Ned smirks when Peter looks at him for help. “She’s got a point.”

Peter narrows his eyes. “Traitor,” he mumbles. “By the way, she doesn’t because my spider powers give me better regeneration than a golden ap-”

“Aaand, done.” MJ interrupts him. “I still can’t believe that worked.” she says in something that suspiciously sounds like awe. “The only thing I did is to bandage it to lessen the blood loss and now it’s almost healed.”

Peter grins. “I’m awesome like that.” When MJ rolls her eyes, he grins even harder. “What? Don’t you love me because of it?”

Ned watches with a smile on his face as his friends bicker like an old married couple. He knows they should talk to Peter about… everything that happened today, especially his breakdown-almost-panic-attack. But they finally managed to calm him down – and now looking at his carefree expression, how happy he sounds when he teases MJ about what she said before… he doesn’t want him to remember what happened and stop smiling. It can wait.

For Peter.

He looks at the clock to see it’s half-past twelve after midnight. It’s his birthday.

Ned got a kidnapping, a party, _and_ a LEGO death star from his friends for his birthday. Just an hour ago, he had been thinking that MJ and Peter were done with the gift-giving thing.

It certainly doesn’t feel like it now, with their arms wrapped around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took an angsty (and then fluffy) turn for some reason lmao - thank you for reading this, and hope you had a nice time while doing so. There are few fics with the trio being the main characters, so I _had to_ write something like that.
> 
> That, and happy Valentine's day!


End file.
